Weight Watchers

I haven't been the best at eating great things or keeping track, though I'm making a renewed effort. I had my first meeting in three weeks (cole was sick the past two mondays). I lost 1.5 lbs...wooohooo! Actually before my workshop last week, my weight was down about 3 lbs, but eating crap for three days under stress has its net effects. I'm hoping to get those back this week. 

Last night I did some floor exercises...I was able to do 100 crunches, plus other toning exercises that would have hurt before, so it made me feel like I've definitely accomplished something. Exercise is a very funny thing for me...something about my peasants' body interprets it as a threat and makes me slow down or not lose weight at all. I swear I should be studied...my metabolism goes against all that's natural. 

I have been researching the complications of stress and cortisol levels in the blood. Cortisol is released from stress and worrying...something I have big problems with. I read about a supplement called phosphatidyl serine, so I'm giving it a try twice a day. It's supposed to help control the negative effects of cortisol.  I know I'm onto something with this. I'm also working on stress levels with meditation and journaling, mindfulness techniques.  I know it can only help.

Weight watchers is a good thing...if it only keeps me honest. I have to weigh in, and I do find I'm getting more comfortable with being in groups and sharing. I used to be a real commitment phobe rebel, and would quit group stuff after a few weeks. I'm determined to stick with this one as a life support means of making this surgery "stick". I have to give it to myself as a means of healing all that is fubared between my genetic hand me downs from hell and my own neurotic issues that make me make self destructive choices.  

Rambling over...carry on...

10 MonthsPost Op

I just got a comment about not updating this in a long while. Originally I had hoped it to be monthly, but I have fallen down as you can see. 

Reality of the gastric bypass surgery that your surgeon warns you about has hit me. I haven't lost any weight in over a month. I've plateaued at about 83 lbs. My stomach now holds about 1 cup of food, and due to the fact that I haven't worked the program as well as I could, I've slowed down in my weight loss.

In an effort to improve my food choices and add more accountability, I've joined weight watchers at work. However, I'll warn anyone doing this with gastric bypass it's depressing the first few weeks. It's depressing because everyone else experiences a major change/cut back in their food, but you're basically given the amount of food you're used to eating...so it is harder. I'm not sure the point system works so well with post gastric bypass folks, and unfortunately my leader has no experience.

My biggest struggle is sugar. I'm not affected negatively in the least by it...so unfortunately these holidays have been hard. I'm also a sugar addict of sorts because I use it to feel better. These are changes that I have to make on my own...no surgery will ever help me.  I also know that I'm drawn to sugar for physical reasons because I have problems with seratonin in my brain.  I've been reading a lot about the effect of stress on cortisol levels, and how they increase insulin in the blood stream, and thus makes the consumption of more and more carbs necessary to feel any impact on energy levels. 

This has been the most stressful year of my life. When I went to decide on having the surgery, my therapist of three years said I should probably choose between my separation/divorce and the surgery and not do both. I felt like I'd gone to far in the process and needed to finish the surgery and try to improve my health. However, going through a separation, divorce, moving to a new city, changing jobs to one of the hardest jobs of my life, and finding a new love have made for some amazingly wild times. I've been guilty of mindless, careless eating. The sole benefit of the surgery for me at this point is that it limits how much I can eat.

Now I must make the changes in my life to lower my stress, decrease my sugar consumption, carb consumption, and hopefully continue my weight loss. I'm a little more than halfway to my goal. I know the next 60 lbs are going to be a fight...and it might take me a couple years to get there, but life happens, and we have to be ready to forgive ourselves for our imperfect coping mechanisms. Hopefully with awareness, more accountability, and the support of loving friends and family, I'll get there.

Thanksgiving was a miracle. First time I ever couldn't finish one plate of food on this holiday!

Update- 6 months Post Op

Well, I haven't been great about this blog..because, well life happens:-) New job, divorcing, new life...but at the heart of it all is my health...which is hopefully improving. I had to get a new surgeon since I moved too far from my old one. The new surgeon is nice, a Dr. Elariny, one of the best gastric bypass surgeons in the country. At my six month checkup they looked at all my bloodwork...looks like I'm only low in vitamin D (calcium) and my cholesterol is high. I'm not sure how that's possible other than I do eat a lot of meat. Considering the choices, I'd rather have high cholesterol than lose my hair or muscles.

I haven't really started a regular exercise program. Living on the fourth floor in my new apartment building seems to be a great passive exercise program. My energy levels are starting to pick up, so I'm hoping to do more.

I'm also going to see the nutritionist in October, so I'm hoping to get a little better with my protein choices before I meet her. Cut back on eating out, and do more fish and seafood. It's a no brainer really.

As far as side effects from the surgery...loose skin...sigh...I am hoping to have another baby in the next two years, but after that we're talking major nip tuck. I'm lucky I have a boyfriend who loves me no matter what, but as I see the skin sagging, it does impact my positive feelings after the surgery. But no matter what I've lost 80lbs...nothing to sniff at after six months...only 80 more to go...halfway there.

I haven't really had the courage for a full body shot...maybe soon, but here's a recent shot of me with my new hair cut I got to try to camouflage my hair thinning. I've started taking Biotin in hopes that it will boost my hair growth. We shall see...

First Dumping Experience

Well, we knew it had to happen at some point. I mean you can only play it safe for so long right? Up til now, I've only had things at work that I knew were ok, and haven't eaten anything out or questionable.

I'll just set the scene. Gorgeous spring day, 76 degrees, all set to have some seafood outside at Joes on the water. We get there and the lure of crab nachos calls to us, so we order that to share. Then I order a fish/shrimp combo. I know I won't be able to eat a tenth of it, but figure great...I'll just take it home..won't have to cook dinner! The crab is amazing. I probably eat about 5 chips with the dip on them total. By the time my meal comes I only have enough room left for a couple of the shrimp and I feel absolutely like explodesville...so I stop. I'm sitting there talking away...and I just start to feel bad. I can't describe it in terms of my old body, because it's something absolutely new. My heart starts beating faster and faster, and my friend says I'm looking flushed. I feel like maybe you'd feel before an abdominal attack...so I decide..best place to be no matter what is the bathroom. Head there, and I just feel dizzy and nothing happens from well...either end...no puke...nothing. So I head back to the table...and I just feel so bad...like I need to lie down. We amble slowly back to the office...but by the time I get to my desk, I realize there's no way in Hell I'm going to make it through the rest of the day. So I head home.

I get home, and I still dont feel like doing anything but lyign down. I'm still dizzy and nauseous. So I lay down...and finally in about two hours...I begin to feel normal. So, I'm thinking I ate too much fat...that's all I can imagine. Because I have had both crab and shrimp before...but not fried...gotta weed out the common denominators. Now my friend Michelle is permanently scared off eating out with me...haha...a minor drawback to these experiments.

Other than that...my weight loss is back on track. I dropped about 4 lbs last week, and am getting ready to pass a critical mark. I feel really good, and if I can just eat better and not screw up too much I think this whole thing will be worth it...haha. I went for my month check up with the surgeon, and he was thrilled with my progress, stating I'm already at 20% of my goal. Sometimes it takes a trip to the surgeon to make you see the bigger picture....not on the diabetes drugs, peeing, doing all that normal, and I've lost a ton of weight...so gotta count those blessings!

Plateauville

Well, last week I blamed it on hormones, but I'm into my second week of plateau. Since my scale adjusted...it hasn't gone down:-( I decided, maybe the problem is I'm not eating enough. I remember when I was on weight watchers, if you ate at the low end of your points scale, your body sometimes fights you on the weight loss because it's not getting enough. So now my strategy is to eat at least 2 meals a day, and do a protein supplement for the third meal. I'm hoping this works...we'll see. It also means I have to eat at work, which was a scary prospect. But I'm taking "safe" foods, and so far so good.

Today was a red letter day for me...first lunch out with friends. We chose Mexican, and I did FINE!!! Whoopee! Here was my strategy. I ordered a beef burrito with beans. I immediately cut off 1/3 of it and put the rest in a box to take home for my son for dinner (oh joy no cooking!). Then I removed questionable items that still give me issues...like lettuce...etc. I dissected the tortilla, and ate the ground beef along with the beans. I left the tortilla. I also let myself have one chip dipped in white ranch sauce...my old favorite (which would have been a basket or so of chips with the white sauce). I drank a little ice tea at the beginning and end...yes breaking the rules a bit there, but I find with beans you do need something to wash them down a bit. I stopped early and felt just fine....hallelujah!!

I've also started getting up at 5am to exercise. I'm doing every other day this week. On Monday I did 30 minute walk on the treat just fine, skipped Tues, and today I did 25 minutes of belly dancing on dvd...that stuff takes it out of you!

The plateau sucks, but one friend did remind me that 30 lbs almost 25% to my goal...so I can't be too upset. It's just weird when you know you're consuming only like 500 calories a day and not losing...sucks. I suspect my body is fighting getting below a certain point. I haven't been this small in over 4 years...so I'm thinking the old body is fighting to stay at it's setpoint. I'm hoping the shake up in my meals will get it back on track.

I posted on the weight loss support site about telling people about your Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) or not...here's what I wrote:
http://www.beforeandafterhelp.com/index.php?showtopic=38521

So I'm 5 weeks and counting. I go to the surgeon next week. I'm hoping I drop some more weight before I see him...would be great to be below that "number".

One Month

Well, this is a bit depressing...because at first glace...you probably can't tell much difference...but if you look closely....i've got less tummy, less chin...haha and sadly less boobs! This is me after about 30lbs of loss. My scale decided to "adjust" itself the other day, so I'm in a bit of a plateau this week. Hormones and other things are affecting my weight too...so today is a good day to focus on those wonderful things called NSV's, or Non-Scale Victories. So far the biggest NSV's for me are:

1. No longer have to take diabetes meds..yippee!

2. My knees don't hurt as much when climbing stairs.

3. I was able to walk outside for 30 minutes in flat dress shoes and not feel like my feet were going to fall off when i got home.

4. Making a meal last for 3 days...can we say saving $!

I wouldnt be me though if I didn't list some of the down sides...to balance things out...

1. Getting sick and throwing up after I eat a favorite meal. This sucks big time. It has to do with eating too fast...and i should be able to control it, but so far, it's a struggle.

2. Scabs...sutures...itchy scars...yuck.

3. It's just not possible for me to drink 64 oz of anything in a day.

4. People asking you "what's the number", especially on a week where you've only lost a pound or two.

Okay, but I have to end things on a positive note...I have to say it really made me feel good when one of my friends said I was "disappearing in front of his eyes"...even though an exaggeration...it made me feel better in a week where my scale decided to adjust upwards, making it harder for me to lose..haha...and it was an added boost. Also, my clothes are getting very baggy, and that's kind of cool too. I still have about 120 lbs to go, but at the end of the day...it's a good start!!

Food-wise...I think I need to eat more. My body has become used to the daily 2 protein supplements then dinner. It probably would be better if I ate my big meal at lunch...but that is at work...and I hate surprises or puking at work. I think next month I will go to the support group meeting and talk about it. In the mean time, I think I'm going to try to have real food for breakfast and dinner and see how things shake out:-)

So all in all, it's been a great month...a fast recovery without complications, thank God.

Back to Work...oh my

When I first thought about how long I'd have to be off work, I figured...I'll be back to work in two weeks easy. After all, I'm a web product developer...all I do is sit in a chair, write on a computer, and meet with people all day. How hard is that right?

Well after two weeks, and a trip to the doctor...I realized...just moving through your day in normal activity takes a lot out of you. When you first start eating, you're lucky if you're getting 300-400 calories a day. So your body which may be used to running on a few thousand calories does an about face...like what the f$ck are you trying to do to me!!! So my doc gave me a third week to face reality. I decided in my third week, I was going to "train" for going back to work.

Training included...sitting in a chair at the computer in the dining room for a couple hours at a time. I gradually through the week tried to increase it. This was a noble effort. The first thing I noticed trying to sit for awhile was...twinges in my stomach muscles. You forget those surgeons cut your stomach muscles in six places...and you also forget that stomach muscles are half of the equation of keeping us upright. So as I tried to sit upright for those hours a day...I found myself leaning over...doing anything I could...not to sit up straight.

So finally the day was upon me. This past Monday...I had to face going back to work. Not only was the idea of going back and making it through the day physically a challenge, but also mentally I was wondering things like...will anyone even notice I've lost weight? Will anyone be gauche enough to ask me how much I've lost?

I got up at 5:30am...walked on the tread 20 minutes, did some pushups and some crunches...I think I was trying to be superwoman...but frankly this is the routine I'm hoping to develop in the long run. I got to work...and everyone was warm and welcomed me back...I think they were more happy just to see I was alive and actually came back to do my work. Nobody really was gauche and asked me point blank about my weight....except our marketing guy. He is known as a bit of a character...he comes up and says..."so what's the number?" Before I could stop myself I go "34 lbs!"...blurting it out like a happy kindergardner called on for the first time. Then he goes..."Stand up, let me look at you!". So like some robot I stand up...and he was very kind and said "Oh my God I can tell!". On one hand...I felt vaguely harassed by this, because it happened in front of all my guy co-workers...and i felt a bit objectified...but on the other hand...it was exactly what I needed...someone to frickin notice.

It's hard when you have 140lbs to lose...people really aren't going to notice until you've easily lost half of it or more...especially on me. I'm so tall, I pack it in all kinds of crazy places...like my feet are smaller..they aren't going to notice that really...or that when I sit down there's not much padding on my ass bones anymore...hurts to sit for a long time. But all in all...this getting back to work stuff has been good for me.

Now, coping with food at work is a whole other story. My strategy has been...protein bullet for breakfast, protein drink for lunch, and protein snack crackers for snack in morning or afternoon, then eat normal dinner. This way...no weirdness with food at work...no danger of puking...no danger of dumping...you name it. It's all well and good, but be prepared for the onslaught of smells and temptations. I sit with a bunch of skinny guys...all I ever hear them do is eat...crunch, crunch, crunch, "where we goin to lunch", crunch, crunch..."do you want a peep?"...oh yeah right "you can't eat." And then of course there are the jokes like..."what's for lunch today Mary...oh yeah...liquid lunch...again". I'm just kidding, but I will say I drastically miss the social aspect of lunches out with my friends. I have to find some safe food alternatives and try...otherwise I'm going to be depressed every lunch hour. We shall see.

I did discover that hummus is very good with Kay's Natural protein snacks...I get the parmesean and the nacho chili flavor ones. I get roasted red pepper hummus...and feel that I'm getting to eat just a little real food.

Well...the week is almost over, and I have to say with each day it get's easier to do everyday things. It's a good thing too, because next week, my husband goes to sea for two weeks, so I'm losing my cook, my housekeeper, and my babysitter all at once. I have a feeling next week is when the real trials begin. We shall see.

Foods tried this week:
Black Bean soup (from BariatricEating.com book) - awesome success...added shredded chicken and had no problems
Cajun Shrimp (from Bariatric Eating.com book)- yummy, but couldn't eat too much
Chicken Parmesean-like i do with most foods i love..ate too fast in beginning and it all came back up. Watch out for this.
Sugar Free Ice Cream- not good. Think the milk fat was too high..definitely felt nauseous after

That's it for the week. I also decided to hold off on the exercise regime til next week. The pounds lost is officially at 36 lbs. My goal is to get to 43 before my doctor's visit on the 25th...we shall see. I'm glad to be back at work...feeling productive, feeling somewhat needed...for the moment at least...hehe...and feeling like...normal.