Weight Watchers

I haven't been the best at eating great things or keeping track, though I'm making a renewed effort. I had my first meeting in three weeks (cole was sick the past two mondays). I lost 1.5 lbs...wooohooo! Actually before my workshop last week, my weight was down about 3 lbs, but eating crap for three days under stress has its net effects. I'm hoping to get those back this week. 

Last night I did some floor exercises...I was able to do 100 crunches, plus other toning exercises that would have hurt before, so it made me feel like I've definitely accomplished something. Exercise is a very funny thing for me...something about my peasants' body interprets it as a threat and makes me slow down or not lose weight at all. I swear I should be studied...my metabolism goes against all that's natural. 

I have been researching the complications of stress and cortisol levels in the blood. Cortisol is released from stress and worrying...something I have big problems with. I read about a supplement called phosphatidyl serine, so I'm giving it a try twice a day. It's supposed to help control the negative effects of cortisol.  I know I'm onto something with this. I'm also working on stress levels with meditation and journaling, mindfulness techniques.  I know it can only help.

Weight watchers is a good thing...if it only keeps me honest. I have to weigh in, and I do find I'm getting more comfortable with being in groups and sharing. I used to be a real commitment phobe rebel, and would quit group stuff after a few weeks. I'm determined to stick with this one as a life support means of making this surgery "stick". I have to give it to myself as a means of healing all that is fubared between my genetic hand me downs from hell and my own neurotic issues that make me make self destructive choices.  

Rambling over...carry on...

10 MonthsPost Op

I just got a comment about not updating this in a long while. Originally I had hoped it to be monthly, but I have fallen down as you can see. 

Reality of the gastric bypass surgery that your surgeon warns you about has hit me. I haven't lost any weight in over a month. I've plateaued at about 83 lbs. My stomach now holds about 1 cup of food, and due to the fact that I haven't worked the program as well as I could, I've slowed down in my weight loss.

In an effort to improve my food choices and add more accountability, I've joined weight watchers at work. However, I'll warn anyone doing this with gastric bypass it's depressing the first few weeks. It's depressing because everyone else experiences a major change/cut back in their food, but you're basically given the amount of food you're used to eating...so it is harder. I'm not sure the point system works so well with post gastric bypass folks, and unfortunately my leader has no experience.

My biggest struggle is sugar. I'm not affected negatively in the least by it...so unfortunately these holidays have been hard. I'm also a sugar addict of sorts because I use it to feel better. These are changes that I have to make on my own...no surgery will ever help me.  I also know that I'm drawn to sugar for physical reasons because I have problems with seratonin in my brain.  I've been reading a lot about the effect of stress on cortisol levels, and how they increase insulin in the blood stream, and thus makes the consumption of more and more carbs necessary to feel any impact on energy levels. 

This has been the most stressful year of my life. When I went to decide on having the surgery, my therapist of three years said I should probably choose between my separation/divorce and the surgery and not do both. I felt like I'd gone to far in the process and needed to finish the surgery and try to improve my health. However, going through a separation, divorce, moving to a new city, changing jobs to one of the hardest jobs of my life, and finding a new love have made for some amazingly wild times. I've been guilty of mindless, careless eating. The sole benefit of the surgery for me at this point is that it limits how much I can eat.

Now I must make the changes in my life to lower my stress, decrease my sugar consumption, carb consumption, and hopefully continue my weight loss. I'm a little more than halfway to my goal. I know the next 60 lbs are going to be a fight...and it might take me a couple years to get there, but life happens, and we have to be ready to forgive ourselves for our imperfect coping mechanisms. Hopefully with awareness, more accountability, and the support of loving friends and family, I'll get there.

Thanksgiving was a miracle. First time I ever couldn't finish one plate of food on this holiday!

Update- 6 months Post Op

Well, I haven't been great about this blog..because, well life happens:-) New job, divorcing, new life...but at the heart of it all is my health...which is hopefully improving. I had to get a new surgeon since I moved too far from my old one. The new surgeon is nice, a Dr. Elariny, one of the best gastric bypass surgeons in the country. At my six month checkup they looked at all my bloodwork...looks like I'm only low in vitamin D (calcium) and my cholesterol is high. I'm not sure how that's possible other than I do eat a lot of meat. Considering the choices, I'd rather have high cholesterol than lose my hair or muscles.

I haven't really started a regular exercise program. Living on the fourth floor in my new apartment building seems to be a great passive exercise program. My energy levels are starting to pick up, so I'm hoping to do more.

I'm also going to see the nutritionist in October, so I'm hoping to get a little better with my protein choices before I meet her. Cut back on eating out, and do more fish and seafood. It's a no brainer really.

As far as side effects from the surgery...loose skin...sigh...I am hoping to have another baby in the next two years, but after that we're talking major nip tuck. I'm lucky I have a boyfriend who loves me no matter what, but as I see the skin sagging, it does impact my positive feelings after the surgery. But no matter what I've lost 80lbs...nothing to sniff at after six months...only 80 more to go...halfway there.

I haven't really had the courage for a full body shot...maybe soon, but here's a recent shot of me with my new hair cut I got to try to camouflage my hair thinning. I've started taking Biotin in hopes that it will boost my hair growth. We shall see...

First Dumping Experience

Well, we knew it had to happen at some point. I mean you can only play it safe for so long right? Up til now, I've only had things at work that I knew were ok, and haven't eaten anything out or questionable.

I'll just set the scene. Gorgeous spring day, 76 degrees, all set to have some seafood outside at Joes on the water. We get there and the lure of crab nachos calls to us, so we order that to share. Then I order a fish/shrimp combo. I know I won't be able to eat a tenth of it, but figure great...I'll just take it home..won't have to cook dinner! The crab is amazing. I probably eat about 5 chips with the dip on them total. By the time my meal comes I only have enough room left for a couple of the shrimp and I feel absolutely like explodesville...so I stop. I'm sitting there talking away...and I just start to feel bad. I can't describe it in terms of my old body, because it's something absolutely new. My heart starts beating faster and faster, and my friend says I'm looking flushed. I feel like maybe you'd feel before an abdominal attack...so I decide..best place to be no matter what is the bathroom. Head there, and I just feel dizzy and nothing happens from well...either end...no puke...nothing. So I head back to the table...and I just feel so bad...like I need to lie down. We amble slowly back to the office...but by the time I get to my desk, I realize there's no way in Hell I'm going to make it through the rest of the day. So I head home.

I get home, and I still dont feel like doing anything but lyign down. I'm still dizzy and nauseous. So I lay down...and finally in about two hours...I begin to feel normal. So, I'm thinking I ate too much fat...that's all I can imagine. Because I have had both crab and shrimp before...but not fried...gotta weed out the common denominators. Now my friend Michelle is permanently scared off eating out with me...haha...a minor drawback to these experiments.

Other than that...my weight loss is back on track. I dropped about 4 lbs last week, and am getting ready to pass a critical mark. I feel really good, and if I can just eat better and not screw up too much I think this whole thing will be worth it...haha. I went for my month check up with the surgeon, and he was thrilled with my progress, stating I'm already at 20% of my goal. Sometimes it takes a trip to the surgeon to make you see the bigger picture....not on the diabetes drugs, peeing, doing all that normal, and I've lost a ton of weight...so gotta count those blessings!

Plateauville

Well, last week I blamed it on hormones, but I'm into my second week of plateau. Since my scale adjusted...it hasn't gone down:-( I decided, maybe the problem is I'm not eating enough. I remember when I was on weight watchers, if you ate at the low end of your points scale, your body sometimes fights you on the weight loss because it's not getting enough. So now my strategy is to eat at least 2 meals a day, and do a protein supplement for the third meal. I'm hoping this works...we'll see. It also means I have to eat at work, which was a scary prospect. But I'm taking "safe" foods, and so far so good.

Today was a red letter day for me...first lunch out with friends. We chose Mexican, and I did FINE!!! Whoopee! Here was my strategy. I ordered a beef burrito with beans. I immediately cut off 1/3 of it and put the rest in a box to take home for my son for dinner (oh joy no cooking!). Then I removed questionable items that still give me issues...like lettuce...etc. I dissected the tortilla, and ate the ground beef along with the beans. I left the tortilla. I also let myself have one chip dipped in white ranch sauce...my old favorite (which would have been a basket or so of chips with the white sauce). I drank a little ice tea at the beginning and end...yes breaking the rules a bit there, but I find with beans you do need something to wash them down a bit. I stopped early and felt just fine....hallelujah!!

I've also started getting up at 5am to exercise. I'm doing every other day this week. On Monday I did 30 minute walk on the treat just fine, skipped Tues, and today I did 25 minutes of belly dancing on dvd...that stuff takes it out of you!

The plateau sucks, but one friend did remind me that 30 lbs almost 25% to my goal...so I can't be too upset. It's just weird when you know you're consuming only like 500 calories a day and not losing...sucks. I suspect my body is fighting getting below a certain point. I haven't been this small in over 4 years...so I'm thinking the old body is fighting to stay at it's setpoint. I'm hoping the shake up in my meals will get it back on track.

I posted on the weight loss support site about telling people about your Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) or not...here's what I wrote:
http://www.beforeandafterhelp.com/index.php?showtopic=38521

So I'm 5 weeks and counting. I go to the surgeon next week. I'm hoping I drop some more weight before I see him...would be great to be below that "number".

One Month

Well, this is a bit depressing...because at first glace...you probably can't tell much difference...but if you look closely....i've got less tummy, less chin...haha and sadly less boobs! This is me after about 30lbs of loss. My scale decided to "adjust" itself the other day, so I'm in a bit of a plateau this week. Hormones and other things are affecting my weight too...so today is a good day to focus on those wonderful things called NSV's, or Non-Scale Victories. So far the biggest NSV's for me are:

1. No longer have to take diabetes meds..yippee!

2. My knees don't hurt as much when climbing stairs.

3. I was able to walk outside for 30 minutes in flat dress shoes and not feel like my feet were going to fall off when i got home.

4. Making a meal last for 3 days...can we say saving $!

I wouldnt be me though if I didn't list some of the down sides...to balance things out...

1. Getting sick and throwing up after I eat a favorite meal. This sucks big time. It has to do with eating too fast...and i should be able to control it, but so far, it's a struggle.

2. Scabs...sutures...itchy scars...yuck.

3. It's just not possible for me to drink 64 oz of anything in a day.

4. People asking you "what's the number", especially on a week where you've only lost a pound or two.

Okay, but I have to end things on a positive note...I have to say it really made me feel good when one of my friends said I was "disappearing in front of his eyes"...even though an exaggeration...it made me feel better in a week where my scale decided to adjust upwards, making it harder for me to lose..haha...and it was an added boost. Also, my clothes are getting very baggy, and that's kind of cool too. I still have about 120 lbs to go, but at the end of the day...it's a good start!!

Food-wise...I think I need to eat more. My body has become used to the daily 2 protein supplements then dinner. It probably would be better if I ate my big meal at lunch...but that is at work...and I hate surprises or puking at work. I think next month I will go to the support group meeting and talk about it. In the mean time, I think I'm going to try to have real food for breakfast and dinner and see how things shake out:-)

So all in all, it's been a great month...a fast recovery without complications, thank God.

Back to Work...oh my

When I first thought about how long I'd have to be off work, I figured...I'll be back to work in two weeks easy. After all, I'm a web product developer...all I do is sit in a chair, write on a computer, and meet with people all day. How hard is that right?

Well after two weeks, and a trip to the doctor...I realized...just moving through your day in normal activity takes a lot out of you. When you first start eating, you're lucky if you're getting 300-400 calories a day. So your body which may be used to running on a few thousand calories does an about face...like what the f$ck are you trying to do to me!!! So my doc gave me a third week to face reality. I decided in my third week, I was going to "train" for going back to work.

Training included...sitting in a chair at the computer in the dining room for a couple hours at a time. I gradually through the week tried to increase it. This was a noble effort. The first thing I noticed trying to sit for awhile was...twinges in my stomach muscles. You forget those surgeons cut your stomach muscles in six places...and you also forget that stomach muscles are half of the equation of keeping us upright. So as I tried to sit upright for those hours a day...I found myself leaning over...doing anything I could...not to sit up straight.

So finally the day was upon me. This past Monday...I had to face going back to work. Not only was the idea of going back and making it through the day physically a challenge, but also mentally I was wondering things like...will anyone even notice I've lost weight? Will anyone be gauche enough to ask me how much I've lost?

I got up at 5:30am...walked on the tread 20 minutes, did some pushups and some crunches...I think I was trying to be superwoman...but frankly this is the routine I'm hoping to develop in the long run. I got to work...and everyone was warm and welcomed me back...I think they were more happy just to see I was alive and actually came back to do my work. Nobody really was gauche and asked me point blank about my weight....except our marketing guy. He is known as a bit of a character...he comes up and says..."so what's the number?" Before I could stop myself I go "34 lbs!"...blurting it out like a happy kindergardner called on for the first time. Then he goes..."Stand up, let me look at you!". So like some robot I stand up...and he was very kind and said "Oh my God I can tell!". On one hand...I felt vaguely harassed by this, because it happened in front of all my guy co-workers...and i felt a bit objectified...but on the other hand...it was exactly what I needed...someone to frickin notice.

It's hard when you have 140lbs to lose...people really aren't going to notice until you've easily lost half of it or more...especially on me. I'm so tall, I pack it in all kinds of crazy places...like my feet are smaller..they aren't going to notice that really...or that when I sit down there's not much padding on my ass bones anymore...hurts to sit for a long time. But all in all...this getting back to work stuff has been good for me.

Now, coping with food at work is a whole other story. My strategy has been...protein bullet for breakfast, protein drink for lunch, and protein snack crackers for snack in morning or afternoon, then eat normal dinner. This way...no weirdness with food at work...no danger of puking...no danger of dumping...you name it. It's all well and good, but be prepared for the onslaught of smells and temptations. I sit with a bunch of skinny guys...all I ever hear them do is eat...crunch, crunch, crunch, "where we goin to lunch", crunch, crunch..."do you want a peep?"...oh yeah right "you can't eat." And then of course there are the jokes like..."what's for lunch today Mary...oh yeah...liquid lunch...again". I'm just kidding, but I will say I drastically miss the social aspect of lunches out with my friends. I have to find some safe food alternatives and try...otherwise I'm going to be depressed every lunch hour. We shall see.

I did discover that hummus is very good with Kay's Natural protein snacks...I get the parmesean and the nacho chili flavor ones. I get roasted red pepper hummus...and feel that I'm getting to eat just a little real food.

Well...the week is almost over, and I have to say with each day it get's easier to do everyday things. It's a good thing too, because next week, my husband goes to sea for two weeks, so I'm losing my cook, my housekeeper, and my babysitter all at once. I have a feeling next week is when the real trials begin. We shall see.

Foods tried this week:
Black Bean soup (from BariatricEating.com book) - awesome success...added shredded chicken and had no problems
Cajun Shrimp (from Bariatric Eating.com book)- yummy, but couldn't eat too much
Chicken Parmesean-like i do with most foods i love..ate too fast in beginning and it all came back up. Watch out for this.
Sugar Free Ice Cream- not good. Think the milk fat was too high..definitely felt nauseous after

That's it for the week. I also decided to hold off on the exercise regime til next week. The pounds lost is officially at 36 lbs. My goal is to get to 43 before my doctor's visit on the 25th...we shall see. I'm glad to be back at work...feeling productive, feeling somewhat needed...for the moment at least...hehe...and feeling like...normal.

Fun..and not so fun with real food

Well it's been a few days since my last update, so I'll begin with my first experience with real food. I have to say...the best starter real food that surprisingly did not give me any trouble was chili. It's filling and great on protein...so chalk that one up to success. Other foods I've tried with success are chicken salad made with fat free miracle whip, and fat free refried beans with lowfat cheese and salsa. Now mind you, each of these things takes about an hour to eat 1/2 cup. I also have to say I break one of the cardinal rules...I do drink a little when I eat. I think if I didn't I'd choke to death. So if it means it takes me a little longer to eat...I do it anyway.

My first horrible experience/stupid experience with food. Saturday night, we ordered pizza...and I was going to be good and just have a protein shot. Well...I looked at the pizza and it looked back at me and I lost my ever loveing mind. I'm like...cheese and sausage are technically soft foods...I can probably eat those. So I ate some....and what a mistake it was. At first it went down fine...then I felt this feeling like I'd swallowed a small boulder. Then air....then some kind of foamy stuff...and then it all came back up. So take note...pizza...no good first month out. HAHA!

The other thing I found is if I"m eating something I really like like spaghetti sauce...which is fine for protein, but because I love it too much..I tend to eat too fast. When you eat too fast...you get same response as above...burp..out comes the air...then the weird foam (where does it come from?), and out comes the food. So I decided when I eat a food I love like that I'm going to eat with one of Cole's old baby spoons and slowwwww down.

I've been getting in about 32 45 oz of liquid a day..it's very hard to do, especially if you are busy.
Taking the Optisource vitamins is hard to do too...4 times a freakin day. As soon as they are gone, i'm going to normal chewables, and regular B12, Calcium citrates that i can take once a day. I have been swallowing all my pills fine since last week no problem. I don't crush them anymore.

Recovery. I thought I could recover in 2 weeks...big mistake. The actual surgery and wound recovery is about 2 weeks...no problem if you don't have complications. But the hardest part I'm finding is returning to normal activity. I had to go to my son's double-header basketball game the other day, and had to sit on a bench for 2 hours. Other than noticing I don't have as much padding on my butt as I used to have....I can actually feel my bones hitting the seat...amazing and uncomfortable...but also I could hardly hold myself upright. We take for granted what our stomach muscles do for us until they have been cut. I think healing those muscles and strengthening is the hardest...especially if you will be required to sit at a desk like I will 8 hours. So this week, each day I'm sitting up at the computer for a few hours, and building up so I'll be ready to go back to work next Monday. I'm also up to 30 minutes a day on the treadmill at an easy walking pace.

As far as weight loss goes, from my original surgeon's visit weight, I'm down 27 lbs total, and 22 since Feb 11 surgery. Not too bad so far I think. I think it does slow down however, once you start eating regular foods. I noticed this week it's not as fast. I think I will probably lose faster once I'm totally back in my regular activity schedule at work, and at home.

I also bravely faced my first public outing dealing with food. My son had his basketball awards dinner on Saturday. At first I wasnt' going to eat anything...it was a potluck...so who knew if there would be anything I could eat. I attempted some soft foods I knew were ok, and I looked freakin hilarious with like a tablespoon of each thing on my plate...when everyone else was heaping away. I had a bit each of potato salad, baked beans, green beans, a coctail weenie, and water. I was very strategic how I handled it too...I let Cole dance and play first, then we ate at the end...just in case i had to make an emergency getaway. I didn't do too badly...nothing made me sick...but I did feel a little bad by the time I came home. I think maybe variety is not the spice of life the first month post op;-)

My basic strategy on a daily basis for living with this new stomach is the following...protein bullet for breakfast, protein shake for lunch, and for dinner, a real food. Tonight I'm trying shrimp...fingers crossed!!!

If it seems like all I think about is food...it's not really...one of the crazy parts of this situation with gastric bypass surgery is you have to remind yourself to eat and drink all the time. I while away hours and hours doing stuff and forget about food. It's such a blessing. So make sure you have little cups to serve your food in...makes it look like a lot, and even a smaller spoon is helpful. It makes it seem not only like you're getting a lot in the dish, but also that you can get through it;-)

Sugeon Check Up One Week Post Op

Today I went back to my wonderful surgeon Dr. Wohlgemuth, and had my one week follow up exam. The exam lasted a total of five minutes where he said,
"Are you drinkin? Are you peein'? " and I of course said yes to all. Oh and by the way I've lost 10 lbs in 8 days....ROCK ON!

Now, here's the fun part....he goes to check my incisions. Now I was told by the nurses, don't take off the steri strips, just let them fall off gradually in the shower over time. So I had these nightmares last night that my doc just pulled them off. Guess what happened....I pull up my shirt to proudly show him my healing self...where the drain was is closed up nicely, but all the rest still have their steri strips on them. He goes to one in the middle and YANK without warning just rips the mother off me...and I give a little yelp. It really only hurt a little, but I was totally surprised. I was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? He's like, these can come off anytime now...just pull them off in the shower. I was like...yeah...and why didn't you let me do that funny man! Anyways, at least the wound is pretty healed under the one he pulled. I guess next time I shower I'll attempt the others.

One thing I did get and need is another week off work. My surgeon recommends 3 at a mininum. I was determined to go back after 2, but I have to say, just my little journey to the doctor's office was an eye opener. I was thoroughly exhausted just getting ready, going to the car, walking in the office, going back to the car and back home. I realize even with my 15 minutes on the treadmill, it's not enough to really start earning back my stamina. So I'm going to try sitting up in the dining room and working on my sick desktop computer today for an hour or so. Just get the old body back used to doing things upright. I've been sitting up in my bed a lot this past week, but other than that not really doing much else. Time to start I guess.

The best news of all is that I'm cleared officially for soft foods...the means all kinds of soups, chili, refried beans, meat sauces, eggs, hmmm real food. Not just broth and protein shakes...yippee.
I'll let you know how it all goes.

Ups and Downs

The past few days have been somewhat of an experiment in what exactly constitutes full liquids. The other day I tried an egg custard, and I think...not liquid enough probably. I also found that drinking the ready made Instant Breakfast drinks are with a higher milk fat percentage...because they instantly made me feel ill. Luckily I haven't thrown up since I've come home. However, I've learned there's an important price to be paid if you eat wrong. If you eat something that makes you nauseous...you can't even drink water for a little while after...which makes it very hard to get in the required drinking to keep hydrated. One thing that has saved me I think the past few days are those protein bullet things. At least I know if I can get one of those down first thing in the morning...I've got 42 grams of protein in me. That's a great start.

I've also been feeling a little guilty about not moving enough. It's hard because it seems if I go out in the living room I'm being exposed to food. This is torture right now. Last night they got Chinese...I mean I went in the kitchen and felt like I was in a mine field in Nam. Luckily, I have discovered my post op favorite food from the Chinese foray. Egg Drop Soup. 8 oz of Egg Drop Soup contains 13 grams of protein. There is something about the consistency and taste that totally agree with my stomach...praise God. I had some yesterday and today, and I actually feel like I've eaten.

Now onto somewhat disgusting parts of this recovery process. You have to leave your steri strips on until they fall of...and you can only lightly wash your stomach with liquid dial soap. Luckily none of my wounds seems to be infected so far and my drain hole is closing up nicely. There are some righteously ugly bruises all colors of the rainbow around them though. Also...let's talk about bowel movements...let's just say they are explosive and strange....a combination of gas and flakes of who knows what...but thank goodness not with the usual accomanying cramps of diarrhea. So I can't say it's diarrhea...just weird. I will say when I ate that Egg Drop Soup...I did gain something more substantial. I now know why they want you to stay home the first 3-4 weeks...I cannot imagine having to have one of these mid-meeting....fun.

But all in all...I'm having an amazing recovery. I don't feel any different really. I just get full fast...and a little twinge if I take too big a drinks. I'm looking forward to my surgeon appointment tomorrow...yippeee...if he clears me...I move on to soft foods...we're talking CHILI...haha. But I now know...be prepared for a step forward and a step back if something doesn't agree with you. You can always fall back on a crystal light/broth day if things get too hairy.

And as far as movement...I started walking today. I walked 15 minutes on the treadmill at like 1.7 miles an hour...and this made me sweat and a little dizzy. You just have to be careful when you're only going on like 300 calories, and your body is still trying to heal. I'll try again tomorrow, just so I can say I'm trying;-)

Valentine's Day Torture

Okay... Day four on the recovery train, and I have to say that I have been tortured. My husband decided last night that he needed to make cupcakes for my son's class. On top of that, he made chicken marsala which is my favorite. My husband and I are not on the greatest of terms...so I'm wondering how much of this is subliminally torture. So I hid in my room drinking yummy crystal light and broth...woohoo! On top of it all, Cole is running in with candy bags for his class. You'd think after having your guts rearranged, you wouldn't have a desire for this stuff...WRONG!. The infamous HEAD HUNGER you've read about is insidious. It's the feeling of course like you want something, but in your stomach you know you couldn't eat it if you wanted to. I mean your stomach is bursting at this point from a few sips of water, but your mind is craving all those delicious foods that used to make you feel good, feel full, feel better. My biggest struggle with food is emotional eating. In the coming months, along with chronicaling my journey with gastric bypass surgery, I'm also going to journal about my internal struggle with overcoming emotional hunger. I recently got a good book called, Eating in the Light of the Moon, by Anita Johnston, PH.D. The book uses myth and metaphor, along with solid therapeutical approaches to teach people how to identify their problems with food an emotional eating. Here's a link to the book:Eating by the Light of the Moon

This week the focus of course is getting in fluids so I don't dehydrate. I managed 44 oz Wednesday, and 55 oz yesterday. Today (Friday), I'm trying to focus on both hydration and protein. I started out with a protein bullet, which are these big test tubes with this juice that tastes like jello water. They are thick and sweet, so I recommend cutting them with an ice cube to keep them cold and a little watered down while you drink them. They are worth the trouble... 42 g of protein in one shot. The rest of the day I'm alternating between drinking/eating something with protein and then drinking a glass of water. Another good trick is taking a sugar free pudding and mixing with half a scoop of Any Whey flavorless protein powder. It tastes ok, and boosts the protein content of the pudding to like 16 g. Very cool.

I haven't had to take my pain medicine much. My mom who is a nurse recommends I take a half dose morning and evening to deal with the overall discomfort. I wouldn't so much describe it as pain, so much as an uncomfortable pulling sensation. Also I've noticed when I'm stressed out, my stomach hurts instantly....so if you can protect yourself from stress in these early days of recovery for sure.

I have the book from http://www.bariatriceating.com called Before and After. The book is pretty good at answering questions you have about gastric bypass and also has a ton of recipes. My goal next week on my second week in recovery is to make a couple recipes from this book. Next week if all goes well in my post op visit I'll be able to start on soft foods. My goal is to be varied and not get stuck in a rut. I'm going to learn to eat fish more, and not be lazy about cooking.

Well, back to sipping my water....

2/11-2/13 Days in Hospital

2/11

Today is the day. I'm so nervous. I ask my mom if I can wear makeup and she says no, because they need to be able to observe your true colors, etc. You also have to remove all jewelry, pins from your hair, ...I feel naked without my rings. When we arrive at check in, I'm lead to a ward like place with rooms curtained off. My mom is allowed to be there, and my husband Dion. I'm told I have to strip off everything and then I have to use an iodine scrub (that orange stuff you see them use on people before they operate). It's very messy and stains everything yellow. So I have to scrub and scrub for 20 minutes and let it air dry. Finally they come get me. Two nurses come to ask me more or less the same questions...allergies to medicines, are you wearing metal, do you have crowns, etc. One nurse says my surgery has been moved up to 9:30am instead of 10am. Shewwww.... I 'll get it over with sooner than I thought.

Finally they say I'm ready and I have to say good bye to Dion and Mom. They push my bed into the surgical waiting areaand it's freezing in there...like meat locker cold. Here I lay from 9:45 to almost noon...so I guess they weren't as ahead as they thought. I have visits from the anesthesiologist and my surgeon Dr. Wohlgemuth. Dr. W. squeezes my shoulder, giving me a squeeze that instantly translates his confidence into me...a much needed feeling. I wait some more, and then finally the anesthesia team comes. The only thin I remember was she gave me a shot in my IV. Then they wheel me into the operating room. I scoot across from my bed to the narrow operating table. I look around briefly and then I'm out.

The next thing I know, I'm waking up in my room, and I don't even remember being in recovery. The surgery took from 12-2:30, and the time is now 3:30. I don't remember waking in recovery at all. Mom and Dion are waiting in my room for me, so it's a very reassuring site to see. There are a bunch of flowers alreay from friends and family waiting there...so nice. I'm still very out of it. I doze in and out of sleep and push the pain pump button periodically mostly as a defensive reflex.

Me right after recovery...very out of it.

The pain is not so much accute, but a dull ache...like you've been beat up from the inside out. The drugs numb this feeling mostly. I've look down at my stomach and can see five holes, four covered with steri strips, and one with a tube and drain bulb. This part makes me feel like a sci-fi creature from the borg or Dune. The freaky part to think about is on discharge day...they will pull that thing out of me...gross. The biggest pain is the gas. They pump gas inside your abdominal cavity so they can see better, but it stays inside you...so it creates these bad cramps in your stomach and lower abdomen. The only way to get rid of it is burping or farting. And the only way to get them to come out the bottom is to walk. I'm not ready to walk yet, so I'm hiccuping and burping, which is pretty painful. The give you tons of liquids via IV, so I feel like I have to pee all the time...and the bad part of this is....they put in a catheter the first 24 hours. My catheter is very uncomfortable and I beg the nurses to take it out, and beg my mom to talk to the surgeon. The feeling is so bad...like you have to pee real bad and can't. I was tempted to pull it out myself. The nurse adjusted it a little bit...and it was a little more tolerable...but still not the best. They finally got me to get up late in the evening...and having the catheter in while trying to walk was terrible...I finally went to bed around 9pm and slept fitfully through the nigh

2/12 Second Day post op

I slept fitfully because they come in every two hours to check your vitals, and to test your blood sugar. They also give you a shot in the stomach for blood thinner so you don't get clots. On top of that you have these squeezer leggings on your legs to keep your circulation going. You get used to it all, but it's a pain in the ass. Finally at 6am they came into remove the catheter....and I can't tell you what a relief that was. It was a very uncomfortable moment to feel it being removed...ughh. The gas pains are much worse. I beg the nurse for some gas x or something to get rid of it. The doctor won't allow it. I'm also extremely nauseous and having dry heaves, so they consent to put zofran into my IV, which finally works to calm me down a little and sooth the nausea. I decide I have to walk off the gas, and end up doing about 6 laps total around my floor of the hospital. Still no gas passed...dammit!

Also, my face is flushed and we can't figure out why. It looks like I've had an allergic reaction to something, but we can't narrow it down. I soon become the bariatric ward's poster child for peeing. Because I'm so desperate to pass gas somehow, I go to the bathroom like every 20 minutes...and with all the IV fluids and water I'm drinking...it's nonstop. The broth and jello they send up from the kitchen is so disgusting that I don't eat it...so no food for 2 days straight. I finally round out my second night in the hospital with the lovely success of passing wind. I mean you wouldn't think of it as such a huge accomplishment, but I can slowly feel my abdominal cavity getting a little less puffy. Tomorrow I get to go home...THANK GOD!

Cole playing on my bed.

2/13 Discharge Day

Today I get to go home, if all is well. They take off my IV, so now i have to drink, drink, drink. Because I DO NOT want to come back here, I drink everything in sight. The only strange symptom I've had is high blood pressure, but the nurse suspects it's from all the increased fluids. They continue to take my vitals. Finally my surgeon comes in to visit me...he's so sweet...he gives me his usual affectionate squeeze on the shoulder, and says "are you ready to go home? They tell me you're peeing up a storm"...haha I'm totally embarassed, but oh well...he couldn't be prouder of me as he's beaming down at me. So I beam back. Next his PA comes in to remove my drain. Now I don't want to scare anyone, but I think this is the worst part of the surgery. The drain is in your upper right side, but...the actual end of it is somewhere deep over on your left side. They release the suction in the bulb, but when they pull it out, it's the weirdest sensation you will ever feel. Like bugs are crawlying on you inside out and it hurts a little. It goes fast though, and you have this little hole in you they cover up. Next a nurse comes in to remove my IV plug and to have me sign discharge papers. I have a little discharge class with Jeannie our surgeon's bypass nurse. She gives us all the instructions we need about what to eat, symptoms to watch for, and we get a special card to show at restaurants so we can order off kids menus and stuff...cool.

The nurse pushes me out to the car in a wheel chair, and it's not too bad. I'm basically just feeling the effects of gravity pulling on my loose insides. When I get home...I get into my bed and just doze and sip broth and crystal light all day. I wake up in the evening to absolute torture. My husband, who is a chef feels the need to cook for my mother, so he's making Chicken Marsala. On top of that, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and they are baking cupcake's for Cole's class and building out goodie bags with Valentine Cards. I hide in my room for safety...I'd like to go out there, but it's dangerous territory. I'm very full already, and I've only had 40 oz of my 64 oz liquid requirement. I'm glad because tomorrow I finally get to shower and start back on full liquids. All in all, I have to say I don't feel too different. I just feel full faster...and I do pee more often...I guess with everything going through my pouch so fast. I'm putting some pics here...be wary if you're squeamish...

See that tube coming out? Well it snakes all the way over to those holes on the right...fun.

My Gastric Bypass- Day 1 Pre-Operative

Hi,
My name is Mary K. I'm starting this blog to chronicle my experience as a person having gastric bypass surgery. Gastric Bypass is also known as the Roux-en-Y gold standard of bariatric surgery. I'm hoping this blog will be a place where others going through the surgery can read and share their comments on the experience. I am not going to talk about my actual weight number, as I have friends who will read this blog and might be quite shocked at the number. But I will say that I need to lose about 140 lbs. to reach my goal. I am told this is about10 stone for you Brits out there, and about 64 kilograms for the metric folks out there. Either way you slice it...it's a lot of weight.

One might ask...how do you get to be 140 lbs overweight. Well, it's not that hard honestly. All of my life, my weight has been a challenge. My parents both struggle with their weight, so I get about 30% of it from genetics in my opinion. Another part of the problem was growing up watching my mom struggle with food. We were constantly restricted in what we could eat because of her issues, and so the first thing I did when I was out of the house was go in search of forbidden foods...at my grandparents', my friends, the local convenience shop. Lastly, I learned at a very early age to use food for comfort, and I ate emotionally. Food just seemed to numb the pain and loneliness of my life.

When I was a kid, I was extremely athletic. I was a tomboy and played every sport known to man, swam like a fish, and lived on my bike. So I was never obese...just never skinny. When I was about 13, I stretched out to my final height of 5ft, 11 inches...about 182 cm's for metric people. At that height and as active as I was, I was set to be a knock out...but...the problem with being a tomboy in life, is all the boys see you as their best buddy. So when I was ready to be a girl...none of my guy friends wanted to date their "sister", their buddy. So I went into a deep depression and started gaining weight between 14 and 15. I was a good 50 lbs overweight my sophomore year in high school. My parents sent me to a weight loss camp the summer before my junior year in high school, and I lost all the weight. I was thin, but when I came back...I just didn't have the support to continue that lifestyle. I kept the weight off for about 2 years, but by college it came creeeping back on. By my second year in college, I went through another big depression, and I gained about 70 lbs in six months....yes...this is possible. All it takes is eating Chinese food at 2AM with your boyfriend 3 nights a week, and being a live-in nanny for an evil family. Don't try it...trust me it will kill you.

So I ballooned up, and for years I tried every diet imaginable to lose the weight. The most I could ever lose was about 40 lbs. But then as we all do, I'd go off the diet and go right back up the scale after I returned to old habits. I learned I was sensitive to carbohydrates, but was unable to keep on high protein diets for more than six months at a time, because they are so heavy and I wasn't creative in my cooking. Also, all my comfort foods were not proteins...pasta, sweets, these were still forbidden...so I was miserable. In the summer of 2006 I got a bit of a wakeup call. My doctor told me I was diabetic. This was a shock. I was only 32 years old...how was this possible? I started seeing my life slipping away from me...not living long enough to see my son grow up, never being able to beat this weight problem, it was scary. I put myself in therapy, and started on a diabetic diet, but a year later, I still hadn't lost weight. I just couldn't get myself into a correct regime to take it off. Being in therapy has helped a lot to identify my life issues that make me eat, and I'm working on them.

About a year ago, my best friend Angela, who was also very overweight had gastric bypass surgery. I was with her through it all, though from afar...she's in Wisconsin, I'm in Virginia. Her surgery went well, and over the past year she's down 130 lbs. She's at the tough stage when it's all her. I was with her through nausea, constipation, crying over not eating, all her ups and downs. But what I also saw was her increase in stamina, her decrease in stress, her self esteem shoot through the roof, and I began thinking, maybe I should do it.

I began investigating the different surgeries. Unfortunately the lap banding is not covered by my insurance, so I didn't really have a choice. I would probably have chosen it if I could have, though I have been told that it fails more than the gastric bypass and can take years to lose the weight. They also don't recommend it for someone like me with a very high BMI and comorbidities such as diabetes. In the surgeons' opinions, the gastric bypass is the most affective for someone like me. I researched surgeons in my area, scoured the forums and internet sites about complications, and gradually made my decision.

The decision wasn't easy. I considered it a failure to be honest. I figured that if I chose surgery, then I was giving up on my own will to beat the fight with food. I struggled over this in therapy for a few months, when I finally realized, that I have to do this for myself. I have to give myself a chance at a better life now. This form of forced behavior modification is what it takes to give me the space in my head (and stomach) to figure out how to deal with life WITHOUT food. When I finally decided to do it, I figured it would be quick and easy...especially since I was diabetic. I signed up for the surgical program, and found out...nope...it's not easy. They purposely put time in there to make you go through the program and make certain this is for you. I started my odyssey in August 2007, at Norfolk Surgical Group. Before you can even get the surgery approval, you have to get a psychological screening, go to exercise and nutrition classes, and attend two support group meetings. This process took me only about a month and a half, but then the process to get it approved in insurance took a couple months. I had my approval in late December, but then I had to wait through the holidays to find out my surgery date. I finally got it in January...my date would be February 11. I was terrified and excited all at once.

Now here's a very important catch they don't tell you anywhere I remember on the net. When you first start in the program you get weighed. Most surgeons and insurance companies expect you to try to lose some weight in the six months or so leading up to the surgery. At the very least YOU CANNOT GAIN WEIGHT. In fact, my surgeon's office said if I gained between 5-10 lbs I could be rejected for surgery. Well immediately my rebellious side went into overdrive. So from August to October, I'd say I put on a good 12 lbs....which was CRAZY!! I was lucky I was going through personal hell through the holidays and for once did not turn to food. I managed to actually lose weight over Thanksgiving, and once Christmas came around I decided I better get serious about coming in at least at my weight I was at the surgeon's office last time.

I knew I would have to do a liquid diet the last seven days before my surgery, so my strategy became to start the liquid diet early to drop the weight beforehand. I do not recommend this to anyone else, because it has been very hard. Yes I did drop the weight, and yes I did manage to do three weeks of liquid diet beforehand, but I don't think it was good to be miserable these past weeks and not able to eat anything good I wanted. So please, be balanced, don't be rebellious like me...if you are given the directive to lose or maintain, just try your best, and keep getting on the scale through out your waiting period time so you can monitor yourself. The liquid diet has been okay, but I would have preferred to not have had to do it. I lost 18 lbs over the past 3 weeks, but sadly I can only count like 5 of them as truly lost....at least in my surgeon's eyes...haha.
The liquid diet is pretty important. If you haven't seen the show Big Medicine yet on TLC, you should...they go through it all the time...the why's and wherefor's of the liquid diet. You go on the liquid diet to shrink your liver so the surgeon's can have an easier time accessing your organs with the laproscopic instruments.

So I've been drinking a combination of no sugar added Carnation Instant Breakfast, Advantedge Carb Control, chicken broth, beef broth, sugar free jello, sugar free pudding, crystal light, for about 3 weeks. It's not too bad actually....after a few days you just stop caring about food altogether (at least until your coworker starts chomping chips in your face and you want to punch him). So here I am, 24 hours til the big surgery, and I'm getting started on this blog. I hope it becomes a resource for other people going through the experience...and I hope I have a place where I can feel free to express all I'm going through. We shall see.

I have chosen my before picture. It was taken before New Year's....I only think it's fair to take a pic of me that was pre-liquid diet. So here I am...all of me...I'll be adding photos as I go...and maybe some videos too.